Posts Tagged ‘Divorce Errors’

Cumulative Share of US Marriages Ending in Divorce - Click for Larger Image The NY Times, along with several other news sources, recently published an article examining, once again, the “50% Myth” of divorce rates in the USA. I commented on this back in June of 2014 (see US Divorce Rate: The 50% Myth). This is of course a very complex issue with multiple levels of interpretation and analysis from an array of viewpoints both statistical and sociological. However, three main trends are evident:

1) Divorce rates surged in the 1970s and 1980s, but since have dropped significantly, first in the 1990s and even more so in the 2000s.

2) Couples are marrying later in life: The median age for marriage in 1890 was 26 for men and 22 for women. By the 1950s, it had dropped to 23 for men and 20 for women. In 2004, it climbed to 27 for men and 26 for women.

3) Fewer couples are getting married per capita: many younger couples are living together prior to or instead of marrying, which reduces the divorce rate for couples in their early twenties.

Of course, this is also a simplified view. Much statistical analysis can be applied to these data. For example, one recurring source of the 50% “rule” is that approximately 2.4 million couples marry in a given year, and 1.2 million divorce. 50%, right? But these divorces are not drawn from the same set as the marriages, or, put another way, half of those married in any given year do not divorce in that same year. More significantly, the number of divorces and marriages are taken as totals from the general population, and not from more definitive samples: the percentage of divorces among second (60-67%) and third (70-73%) marriages is much higher than among marriages that don’t end in divorce, skewing the numbers.

A more accurate approach would be to calculate how many people who ever married subsequently divorced. Calculated in this manner, the US divorce rate has never exceeded 41 percent, and in fact is currently dropping. According to the 2001 survey of the Fertility and Family Branch of the Census Bureau, the rate of divorce for men between 50 and 59 was 41% and for women between 50 and 59 was 39%.

In any case, divorce is a real consideration in marriage, ultimately affecting close to 4 in 10 couples. If you find yourself in the 40 percentile, consider consulting a qualified divorce attorney to examine your situation and the best way forward.

Q/AQ: What is the most common mistake that is made in family law cases? 

A: Parties become so emotionally involved that they fail to act calmly and rationally.  These cases, by their very nature, are stressful. If a party can’t handle that stress, they are at a disadvantage and  will frequently sabotage their own case!  In practice, there are many different ways that this will manifest itself.

Some of the the most common instances of this include:

1) An overwhelming need for a “quick” resolution – even if it doesn’t make sense for the party or the family;

2) An unwillingness to comply with orders of  the Court – which almost always creates greater difficulties for the party;

3) The hiring-firing of multiple lawyers and/or the unwillingness to really listen to and implement the advice of counsel;

4) Acting rashly and impulsively and taking major actions without consulting with counsel.

An experienced family law attorney will understand that these are stressful times for his/her client and will try to keep clients calm or recommend therapeutic help when appropriate. Parties who find themselves overwhelmed by the process may need to seek professional counseling.

There is an old saying in the family law profession: “In criminal cases you have bad people on their best behavior and in divorce cases you have good people on their worst behavior.” 

Parties need to understand that emotional behavior is not the  path to the successful resolution of a family law matter.

dividing the houseThere is no “one size fits all” answer as to whether you should be the first to file for divorce. There are various reasons why it may or may not be to your strategic advantage to be the first to file. You might even think of it in sports terminology: Do I play offense or defense?

Some of the reasons that you may want to file first include:

1) A likely decision by the Court that is favorable to what you are seeking;

2) A need to finalize the divorce as soon as possible to allow for remarriage;

3) A psychological need to end the marriage as soon as possible in order to move on with your life;

4) A need to send a clear and unequivocal message to your spouse that “the marriage is over and that there is no hope for reconciliation”;

5) A need to force your spouse to vacate the marital domicile;

6) A need to put into place orders to protect marital assets;

7) A need to obtain orders for alimony or child support;

8) A need to obtain an order for child custody or to ask that you be allowed to remove the children from the current state of residence;

9) A need to expedite the sale of a marital home or other marital property.

Conversely, some of the reasons that you may not want to be the first to file for divorce include the following:

1) A likely decision by the Court that would not be favorable to you (and the possibility that you might be able to arrive at an agreement with your spouse that would be signifcantly better for you than what the Court would order in your circumstances);

2) Situations where the current support being provided by your spouse is more than you could reasonably expect the Court to order;

3) When your spouse is gravely ill and you want to preserve an interest in their portion of the marital estate;

4) Situations where your spouse is in a “hurry” to finalize a divorce (either for psychological reasons or for a desire to remarry) and you gain a tactical advantage in negotiating an agreement from their haste to resolve the matter as quickly as possible;

5) When you believe the marriage is still salvageable.

With the exception of the analysis of your particular situation and likely outcomes by the Court, most of the above is fairly straightforward. An experienced divorce attorney that understands the tendencies of the Courts and judges in your particular jurisdiction should be able to study your particular situation, perform this analysis and advise you as to your best course of action.

Everyone realizes that finances are integral to our lives today, and in a marriage, finances are often tightly intertwined with one’s spouse. Therefore, if you are considering divorce, what steps should you take regarding your finances? It should go without saying–but I’ll emphasize it anyway–you should discuss your financial situation in depth with your attorney. That said, let’s consider some of the basic steps you should consider taking.

First of all, it is paramount that you analyze both your current financial situation and how your financial situation will evolve in the future. What are your outstanding financial obligations and goals? How are they entangled with your spouse? How should you approach disentangling your finances?

Consider gathering liquid cash assets to help assist with your attorney fees, potential moving expenses, and starting your new, post-divorce life.

Does your situation fit one or more of these three conditions: 1) a long marriage, 2) your spouse earns the lion’s share of the family income (75% or more), and/or 3) you have a family-owned small business. Each of these will factor strongly in your options and considerations.

If you do not already have one (not to be sexist, but this is common for women especially), open new checking and savings accounts in your own name, and it’s also good to obtain your own credit card, issued in your name alone. It may indeed be a good idea to use a different bank than the one that your spouse and family have been using. While banking officials are not supposed to divulge any information about your banking activities, it’s better to avoid that risk by doing business with a different institution.

Consider closing all joint credit card accounts so as not to accrue any new balances on those accounts for which you may be responsible; obtaining your own credit card, as mentioned above, will help. While you should first discuss this with your divorce attorney, you may want to consider removing one-half of the money in any joint bank account and placing it in your new account or safe deposit box. Check your bank statements for any unexplained withdrawals or large purchases, and discuss these with your attorney, as they may be attempts by your spouse to hide assets.

If you own valuable jewelry or collectibles or similar items, consider placing them in a safe deposit box to prevent your spouse from accidentally “losing” or “loaning” them or even pawning them for cash. You may want to ask a trusted friend or relative to co-sign for the safe deposit box so that, if anything happens to you, they can access the contents of the box, but be sure that person can be trusted as they will have access to the safe deposit box at any time. You should document this so it is not viewed by your spouse or the court as an attempt to secret or hide marital assets.

There are many more considerations, far too many to go into here. In all cases, discuss these issues with your divorce attorney in detail.

We all know how rapidly technology, especially social media, is growing in today’s society. Everyone it seems is on Facebook, and one must protect one’s identity on Facebook in the face (no pun intended) of being “tagged” in a photo one would rather disappear, have new relationships “put on parade,” or have one’s secrets put on public display in any number of ways. This extends as well to divorce, which is also going high tech today. Spouses who would never dare to tell their soon-to-be-divorced spouse about new personal relationships, travel and their new personal lives are posting such information–often in great detail, accompanied by photos and comments from innumerable “friends”–all over web and particularly on Facebook.

Don’t assume that just because you’ve blocked your spouse they won’t be able to access this information, read the comments, and see the photos. Frequently, one of the first things divorce attorneys are advising their clients to do is to examine the Facebook pages of their spouses and their “friends” in order to gather information that will be useful in divorce proceedings. And it doesn’t stop at Facebook: one must consider all social media that one’s spouse engages in, including Twitter, Tumblr, Google+, LinkedIn, and more. With so many ways to interact online today, one must be careful indeed.

DISCLAIMER
The information contained in this blog is for educational purposes only and is not legal advice. The use of this Blog does not create an attorney/client relationship between you and the Law Offices of Barry R. Lewis. If you are considering divorce or if you are involved in any legal matter, you should hire an attorney.

Massachusetts Divorce and Family Law
Attorney Barry R. Lewis — Divorce Law Specialist
Locations Throughout Eastern & Central Massachusetts :: 508-879-3262